The Confessional

I am not Catholic, but here in the safety of the virtual world I can step into the confessional booth and bare my soul.

When I was young, you know that age range from 16-24, I was 6’3″ tall and weighed a whopping 120 pounds.  I could eat and drink all day and not gain a pound.  My mother used to get ridiculed when she told people that she needed blue jeans that were 24-36’s.  Sales people would tell her she meant 36-24’s and she would inform them she knew what she was looking for and it was for a 24 inch waist and a 36 inch inseam.

When I hit my very late twenties to early thirties I went on a weight gaining spurt all the way up to 140 pounds, and I thought I had achieved something.  I could actually find blue jeans to fit my 28 inch waist and that 36 inch inseam.  I was still awful thin but that extra 20 to 25 pounds to me was a massive improvement.

Then I hit my late 30’s to early 40’s and my weight increased to 175!  By golly now I was a normal build and it only took me 40 years of living to get there.  My waist increased to 32 inches and life was great.

By my fiftieth birthday I was at 185 and there was a little paunch of a belly.  My waist size was 34 inches and I didn’t thing it was any big deal.  I was retiring from the military and was still very active.  I could grab my chain saws, extra blades, chain oil and gas and go out and cut two cords of wood in one day.  That is no easy task as cutting two cords was cutting tree limbs into two foot sections and stacking them until I had a stack four feet wide, four feet tall and sixteen feet long.

My weight stayed right there for a long time.  Then one day when I was 51, I had a heart attack.  The cardiologist stated that the heart attack had left me with a heart murmur and diet and exercise would be the key to continuing to live a healthy life.  I did what the doctor said and continued to work outside when I was not at a full time job I had picked up.

When I was 52 I was evidently not satisfied with one heart attack and had another while I was asleep.  My wife’s lap dog who has always been a yippy pain in my butt saved my life by standing on my chest and barking in my face to wake me up.  I got up, took a nitro pill and got my butt to the hospital.  My wife was back in Korea visiting her father and siblings so after they checked me out at the hospital, even though they wanted me to stay, I went home to be able to take care of the animals.

I took it easy the rest of the week, but then was back out cutting wood, blazing trails and playing outside all day long.  My weight in those five years since my retirement had crept up to 190 pounds.

Three years ago, my wife was at my son’s house taking care of our granddaughter and I was home alone again and suffered what they now call a cerebral vascular accident (CVA).  I guess calling it a stroke wasn’t politically correct or something.  When my right side started freezing up on me, I made my way to the bathroom and chewed up four adult aspirin (which let me tell you right now tastes really bad!).  I then called a nursing service to see what they thought it was.  I guess my speech was garbled and I wasn’t able to use my vocabulary too well.  They in turn called for an ambulance that came and took me to a hospital.  I lost a lot of my vocabulary and had to work hard to regain it.  In the three months after the stroke or CVA, whichever you prefer, I regained the use of my right side and was still regaining my vocabulary but I gained 70 pounds during that three months too.  My waist size went from 34 inches to 38 inches.

The extra weight made it difficult to exercise and what I used to do without breaking a sweat would not have me gasping for air before I was a third of the way done.  The neurosurgeon stated he believes that the area of the brain that controls the metabolism was adversely affected by the CVA.  For the past three years I have been fighting my weight and trying to lose what I gained.  I tried dieting and gained weight.  I tried walking more and more to the point of exhaustion, and gained weight.  I’ve tried about everything and between this, that, and the other thing, I managed to level out at 265 pounds.

Yesterday, I bought a pair of jeans to get my jean count up to three pairs.  I came home and tried them on and they didn’t fit.  I took them back today and bought the next size larger and still couldn’t snap them.  I got on the scales and it doesn’t make sense.  My new exercise and food plan had allowed my weight to drop down to 258, but my waist has gone up two sizes?

I have vowed to not take these jeans back, but to continue to work on getting my weight down until these fit.  If I have to wear nothing but sweat pants in the interim, so be it.  The embarrassment of living life in the public in sweat pants will add to my drive.  I then wrapped my arms, legs, stomach and chest in saran wrap and got on the treadmill for two miles at 3 miles an hour and an incline of 8%.  By the time I was done I was soaked.  I came up and showered and then got on the scales again; 255 pounds.

Maybe this will work.  Instead of just working out, I will trap the heat inside while I do so to sweat those water pounds away.  Something has to work as I am very dissatisfied with my appearance right now.

I normally don’t ask for prayers for myself as I am not that type of person, but I am making an exception to policy for this.  I ask that you pray God gives me the daily resolve to stay the course to lose this unhealthy weight I am carrying with me right now.


God Bless.


About The Rural Iowegian

I am the Rural Iowegian of a published author and an award winning photographer. I use this space to speak my mind. God Bless.
This entry was posted in General Rantings, Writing. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The Confessional

  1. MJ Belko says:

    I understand your struggle. I suffer from Hashimoto’ s thyroiditis, a form of hypothyroidism that causes weight gain and great fatigue, among other things. Hang tough. Praying for you.

  2. cyannan50 says:

    I, too, have health issues that makes exercise difficult and losing weight nearly impossible. Will certainly lift you up in prayer.

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