I often get asked how I am doing when I am out and about. I have a cache of answers for that question:
- “fair to midland” (whatever the heck that means);
- “hunky-doree” (which I don’t know what that means either);
- “can’t complain” (even if I did complain it wouldn’t do any good);
- “still on the sunny side of the sod” (which is about as non-committal as you can get);
- “wait, I have to find a pulse before I can answer that”;
- “alive and kicking”; and
- “Still about 12′ higher than where I am headed.” (I am 6′ tall and when you are buried you are 6′ under, thus 12′).
I learned a long time ago that this greeting of “How are you?” actually means “I am acknowledging your existence, but please don’t bother me, I don’t care.” To prove this, I started a while back with responding with answers like:
- “Just killed a cat”;
- “Stalkingly good”; and
- “On the lam.”
Not a single person has hesitated or questioned the response.
I think for the future, I will go with a politically incorrect response of “May God Bless You” and smile. That ought to mess with their heads for a while.