I have been meaning to talk to you for a while, but you know how things get in today’s busy society; we sometimes have the best intentions, but easily get side tracked.
Your birthday was a few days ago and I thought of you then, but with looking for work and other aspects of daily life, I procrastinated when I shouldn’t have; and for that I am truly sorry. On your birthday you would have been 83.
Yesterday I saw a painting of a sad clown and I thought of the stories you told of when I was two years old and tried to make everyone happy while you all were mourning the death of Kenny Wayne. You said you called me your little clown because I tried so hard to get you to smile while you grieved the loss of your son.
I think of Kenny Wayne sometimes and wonder why I can remember us moving a few short months after he passed, but I cannot remember anything about him other than the stories I was told. I must have blocked that period out, but with all the great stories I have heard, I know why you missed him.
As of September it will have been 10 years since you ‘went home’. A lot has happened since then that I wish you could have shared with us. Josh became a pastor and gave you a couple more great grandchildren, Linds had one more. Mike got married and gave you two more. Boo Boo is such a happy child who has a such a fun sense of humor and Calvin is a cuddler who would have melted your heart.
The day you had surgery Sis told me that you had said you missed Kenny Wayne and you were ready to ‘go home’. She didn’t understand that you meant going to our eternal home, but as soon as I heard it I knew what you were talking about. I told Sis that was what Grandma had said the day she went home to Jesus.
I also understand that even with four children here with spouses and children and grandchildren, the hole left by one missing can overwhelm all the love of those still here. When I think of this, I am reminded of the parable Jesus told about the one lost sheep. Even though the meaning isn’t quite there, the parallel is. I guess you felt comfortable enough that we were all doing well so that you could go home to be with your lamb.
I miss you Mom but take solace knowing that one day we all will be together again. I don’t plan on that meeting being anytime soon, but I do look forward to that day.
Your Little Clown (who is not so little anymore)